How I Left Him
by Asparaga
Summary: What I think Christine's thoughts were in Final Lair. Sorry for the horrendous title. 2004 ALW movie based.


After watching the Final Lair scene very closely one night, I finally came to an opinion on Christine's thoughts in it. And then I just opened MSWord and started typing…and out came this. I donno. Lemme know what ya think.

Oh, and by the by…yes, I know his name is Erik. It's just that this is '04 ALW musical-based, and in the ALW version, we're never told that his name is Erik. So he is "the Phantom".

Disclaimer: I don't own Phantom or any of the characters, lines or songs in the musical, etc. But then that was rather obvious.

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"You try my patience. Make your choice." He pulled – hard – on the rope around Raoul's neck. Raoul winced in pain. And I, standing helpless on the shore, was forced to decide. Leave – in essence, choose Raoul – and Raoul was dead. I would stay with the Phantom anyway. Or, I could let Raoul go free, and stay with the _monster_, whose tattered face was only a reflection of his hideous soul. Finally, sealing my resolve, I did make my choice.

I would let Raoul go. He could no doubt find another girl he loved, and be happy. And I could never live with letting Raoul be hurt. I would stay with the Phantom for Raoul. _I love you_, I mouthed to Raoul, as a goodbye.

As the Phantom and I had nearly always conversed in song – one more oddity of our otherworldly connection – it was normal for me to sing to him as I walked closer and closer, putting the ring he'd given me on my finger.

_Pitiful creature of darkness,_

_What kind of life have you known?_

_God give me courage to show you_

_You are not alone!_

Bracing myself, I reached up hesitantly and drew his face to mine, kissing him as passionately as I could.

I was hit with a wave of powerful emotions as I kissed him. I had expected to feel revulsion, understandably. Instead, I felt as though I'd been ripped apart. I knew in that instant that I loved him more than I'd ever thought possible. I also felt a strange hunger – I wanted him. In two different ways; one, in a lustful sense – I'd never _wanted_ anyone in this sense before, not even Raoul. But I also simply _wanted _him…to be with him at all places, at all times, to hold him, to have him hold me. When I'd kissed Raoul, I had felt a love for him, and a wanting to be beside him – but not so powerful as this.

We broke the kiss, looked into each others eyes for a moment, then, as if by some unknown, unspoken agreement, kissed again. Again, the same wave of emotions overtook me. As we broke this second kiss, I was _glad_ I'd decided to stay with him.

He was almost smiling as I was…but it quickly turned into crying. My smile fell.

He turned, walking back to his lair, pushing me back to Raoul.

"Take her – forget me – forget all of this. Leave me alone – forget all you've seen. Go now – don't let them find you!"

I was so stunned by what had happened – what I'd felt in the kiss, him telling me to go – I was almost simply going through the motions. I knew very well that I was untying Raoul urgently and hugging him quickly…but I felt strangely apart from everything. I felt like a porcelain doll in Raoul's arms. But it was in that moment that I knew I would go with Raoul. And it broke my heart.

"Take the boat, swear to me never to tell – the secrets you know of the Angel in Hell! Go…go now! Go now and leave me!"

He disappeared to a shadowed corner of his lair.

"Christine, hurry," Raoul whispered urgently. "Come, the mob is almost here…come, Christine, we can leave now."

"No," I said, gathering my wits together. "Well, yes. Just give me a moment, Raoul. I need to go back for a moment."

He looked about to protest, but the look on my face must have stopped him. "All right," he said. "But Christine, quickly!"

"Yes," I said, leaving Raoul and walking to the Phantom, who was singing softly.

_Masquerade…_

_Paper faces on parade._

_Masquerade…_

_Hide your face so the world will never find you._

He looked up and saw me.

_Christine, I love you._

His voice was quivering and weak, nothing like the first night I was here. _Don't make this harder,_ I thought. I wanted to stay with him…God, how I wanted to stay with him…but I couldn't. We could never be together. It wasn't fair to either of us. We held between us a love so passionate; I couldn't begin to describe it. But we couldn't stay. I didn't know how I knew. But I did.

I tried to convey that to him as I walked to him slowly, taking off my ring and putting it in his hand. I curled his fingers around it. He laid his other hand on top of mine. I stood there for a minute, cherishing that moment, and the feel of his hands in mine. I couldn't speak, for fear of breaking down and crying, asking to stay with him. Finally I walked away, back to Raoul, looking over my shoulder at the Phantom. I hoped he knew I loved him. I hoped he knew how much…and how it felt awful for me to not stay with him.

As I left with Raoul, he and I sang together. I sang my parts trying to convince myself that this was right. Rather unsuccessfully. I knew I'd always be the Phantom's, even if we couldn't possibly stay together. Again…I looked back at him as we rounded a corner, trying to let him know this. I heard him sing as I stood beside Raoul.

_You alone can make my song take flight –_

_It's over now; the music of the night!_

I gasped and bit my lip to stop from crying out. I dug my nails into Raoul's shoulder. He looked up at me sharply. I suppose then he knew that I would never truly be his – my heart belonged to another.

Tears came unbidden, dripping down my face. I sniffed and shut my eyes tightly, hoping they would stop.

They did, soon enough. But the ache in my heart grew.

It was always there.


End file.
